I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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