My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
