cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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