i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
