Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
