the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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