you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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