If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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