drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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