my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
