Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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