how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
