fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
