Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
tonight lets celebrate not being married
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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