he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
