One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
