once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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