Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
