What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
