i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
