"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
