why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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