The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
