You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
