I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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