My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
