tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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