how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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