We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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