margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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