if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
