i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
