PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
