what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
