Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
