Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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