Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
