doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
