Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
