I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
