I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
