I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
