do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
