I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
