omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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