she looked like the before picture.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
