My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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