I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
