And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
