And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
