No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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