I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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