Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I lost the right to judge tonight
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
