I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
