I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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