morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
