You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
