we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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