sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
